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So, this week, minding my own beeswax, scrolling down good ol’ Facebook, I stop. I stop dead in my tracks because I saw a screenshot that was disheartening. If you are a grown adult, with any respect for others, you are fully aware that life is not “fair”, everyone does not see the beauty in the same things, and of course, not everyone is going to like you. I mean this is just the way life is. We also try to raise up our children to treat others with kindness, respect, and to not exclude people for any reason (unless they are being jerks of course, AKA bullies)
That is fine. I get “that”. What I don’t get is the onslaught of grown adults, both male and female, who find it is worthwhile to spend time in their day, belittling others, bringing people down on purpose, and being hurtful when in reality, they are just grown bullies who never learned how to shut their mouth and be respectful to those around them. I shake my head as I wonder if this is what they are teaching their children.
A woman who obviously has had her fair share of self confidence issues in the past, taking precious time out of her day, (maybe a mental snapping point of self destruction, who knows) just to message a “friend” and I say that very lightly….and tell them basically they need to stop sharing photos of themselves because they are not pretty enough to look at.
I mean, are you flipping kidding me?!?! 1) Who needs friends like that when enemies will just ignore you and leave you alone and 2) Really?!!?! I mean I can’t even wrap my head around this, are we in freaking high school and fighting over a boy? GROW UP!!! If the best you can do in life is get the title of “Internet Bully”, I think you missed a few steps on how to be an adult.
Let us sit down and discuss this in a manner that most children would even understand. Being a bully is being a jerk. One of the very first lessons most children learn in life is, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
So how do you spot an adult bully? How do you know who to distance yourself away from and to not let fester on your emotions or spread poison within your tribe of loving, respectful, real friends who love you? Here are a couple signs to keep a look out for!
- If a woman has had a major transformation but is not getting enough praise, she may find that belittling others about their flaws, insecurities, and lifestyle come naturally. This person is insecure with themselves. They are bitter. They crave attention and dislike when anyone else around them is getting it. The same go for men, weight loss and income status can always change the way people treat others.
- They say things do you that they would not say publicly or to your face. They email it, private message it, text it, or avoid their behavior all together. If others do not see it, no one else can judge their behavior or actions. No one else can condemn them for treating others like shit, because in their mind, they did or say nothing wrong. If someone can not speak to you face to face about something that may hurt you, they aren’t worth speaking to at all. If there is distance, Skype it out or pick up a damn phone!
- They don’t have a steady relationship. Maybe you see them changing their status, or using social media to highlight how fabulous their life is. Do you know how many times I have seen what I thought were relationships worth envying on social media, only to find out in a split second that the couple is divorcing? Having fights on custody of children? When people are losing control of their own lives, they like to nit pick at other peoples lives. This could also include job issues, school issues, etc.
- The friend that demands your attention but can’t answer the phone when you call and need something. The friend who is too busy for you during important moments in your life but they say they just can’t have you miss something so important to them. They expect you to drop things to fit in to their schedules but never would do the same for you. Not only is this a tactic of an adult bully but it’s a self preservation tactic of a really bad friend who wonders why she feels so alone and empty in other areas of her life.
- Instead of apologizing for what they have done they point blame. They want you to be the bad guy. They are always the victim. Ever meet the “friend” who when something goes wrong or they have a fight with someone else, their first question to you is, “I’m right, right?!?!” They need someone to condone their actions, once again, they need to grasp for straws to feel that they way they treat others is acceptable.
- An adult bully will come at you in a million ways. It could be so much as making fun of people as they walk by with you, insulting people they see you hanging out with, other than them. They will compare their relationships to all of yours. They will try to always focus the attention to themselves online. They will always speak and never listen. This again, is a bad friend, a toxic relationship, but the way a person acts to others is a very tell tale sign of how they treat anyone. Are they shitty to wait staff at restaurants? Do they mock people with a fashion sense that they don’t approve of? Some of the really scary things may lay in comments made about other peoples children, the way people parent, or about significant others of mutual friends. Remember, if a person is ranting and raving about others to you, they are probably ranting and raving about you to others.
Don’t be a victim to adult bullies. Many of us have dealt with them from preschool to college. Someone is always going to have it in their mind that they are prettier, more successful, make better choices, do better things, and have a better life. It is insecurities. Eating at their very heart and well being. These are the people who will sit alone in a nursing home with no visitors because they run off all their family and friends with their nasty behaviors.
Be the change you want to see. Raise your children up right. Be respectful to all, even if you don’t agree with things. If it is not HARMING YOU or your loved ones, you have the ability to just walk away. Slam that door! End it, for good! You are too good for relationships with bullies.
I’d love to hear from you in comments below on how yo have dealt with any adult bullying or tips to share on how to encourage our kids to be better friends to those around them rather than bully those that are not in their group of close friends.
Let us all not forget, if you don’t want things shared on the internet, don’t put it there. Being nasty will bite you in the booty!
Author: Nichole Arnold
I’m the owner of Mommy Needs a Bottle . I’m a 30- something wine enthusiast that resides in Tampa, FL. I love family traditions, traveling, cooking, baking, reading, fashion, tattoos, beauty products, and being a Mommy! I have a background in marketing, public relations, copywriting, and sales.