There comes a time in your parenting journey that you just have to zip your lips. You are only doing this because someone else should have had the common courtesy to do it. What you really want to do is throat punch them. There are so many dangers and fears in parenting that everyone seems to think they are an expert. Frankly, they are trying to act all high and mighty because somewhere in their personal life they are failing miserably at something.
Let me list the ways of how I loathe thee…the journey of being judged. This is just the beginning folks.
1) How I birth my child: My body. Not yours. Back off. If you want a hospital and an epidural, “GO YOU!” If you want to be in a birthing center in a bathtub, “GET IT GIRL! You prefer to be at home and have a doula/midwife/best friend come to you? “MORE POWER TO YOU!” Shoot, if you want to lay naked on a bear skin rug in the middle of a pile of snow, with a ski mask on, that is all you!
Everyone and their Mom want to argue about what is more natural. What is safer. What is best for you. What is best for baby. My body. My vagina. My baby. My choices. Just because you rocked a natural birth with no drugs, does not mean I want to try. Just because I felt it was less stressful in a hospital, does not mean you will.
2. How I feed my child: I whip my boob back and forth, I whip my boob back and forth. Heck yea! Oh, I use bottles? I use formula? Reality check people: As long as a child is gaining weight as required and is fed, that is ALL that matters. It’s when someone is watering down formula or a baby is malnourished we might want to stop biting our tongues. Until then..step off your high horse and just be thankful that baby is getting fed!
This also brings me to
3. I don’t care if you breastfeed or don’t. I don’t care if you cover your baby in public or you don’t. Want to know why? The LAW protects those who want to feed from the boobie. It is not my place, your place, or even that of any establishment to say something. Don’t like it? Look away. I wish I could throw a cover over half the men and women at the beach. Shoot, there are men running laps in my neighborhood that should put a shirt on. I’m a breastfeeding advocate. You’re not. That’s cool. Just know that the law is there for a reason. Years ago, there was no formula. Shocker huh? I also won’t feed my kid on a toilet. I’ll let you go in there instead 🙂
4. Diapers. Hey, you got something to catch the poop and pee? Then we are all good here. I don’t care if you use a disposable, a cloth diaper, or a your husband’s favorite t-shirt. If your unsanitary matters are handled. We are cool. I cloth. I love it. I also use disposables. I like them at times. They are great for long hot days when I know I will not be home. I don’t want a bag of poop sitting in my SUV waiting to be cleaned. I like cloth for many reasons. I like disposables for many reasons. I don’t care what you like because I’m PRO DIAPERS!!!!!
6. How long you going to breastfeed? Guess what? NOT MY BUSINESS to ask you and NOT YOUR BUSINESS to ask me!!!! You don’t breastfeed. Cool. How long is your kid going to drink from a bottle? NOT MY BUSINESS! Get it? Got it? Good!
7. When are you going to potty train? Again, really none of your concern. Children potty train at all different times. I see two year olds rocking that training and three year olds failing at it. The parent is not failing at anything. Each child is different. Each child has their own comfort level. Don’t rub in another parents face how great potty training is for you or went for you. You’re being a jerk.
8. When will you move him to his own bed? By the time he is 18 I’m sure. We like co-sleeping. It is best for our situation. We enjoy the cuddles. They don’t last forever. They grow up so fast. Your child slept in a crib from the first night? That is awesome, mine hated the crib. I didn’t want my baby 100 feet away from me. It is not affecting my marriage so why is it affecting you?
9. You shower with your child? Yep, sure do. Why don’t you? Oh wait, it’s NOT MY BUSINESS. I also taught him where his weenie is! My child is less concerned about showering with his Mother and more concerned about playing with his foam toys and buckets to wonder why we have different body parts right now. He is a toddler for crying out loud! Save the earth, save water! Actually, I just find it safer and more comfortable. Why do you kneel on a stool at the side of the tub? Oh, Oh, wait…not my business.
10. Why don’t you make him eat what you eat? Oh yes, I bet that worked on you so often. If I want you to eat sushi and you have a disgust for fish, do I force you? What if he has tried it multiple times and does not like it? Do I stop eating it because he doesn’t like it? Come on people!! I make him what he likes. He tries new foods. Some things he will learn to love over time. We learn to love people over time right? Same with food, except food doesn’t love or hate us back 😉 Let me feed my child as I see fit.
If you have a child, you may have dealt with this on more than one occasion. The list could keep on growing. What do you get asked often that just seems to be rude and uncalled for? How do you fire back? Don’t you wish you could just say what you really feel to the people who quiz you on topics they either A) know nothing about because they have no children or B) Their children are not quite the type you would raise yourself but they think they are just an awesome parent who could do no wrong.